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I wonder how he sees things
I wonder what he thinks
When other gals pass him by,
I wonder…, does he blink?
In his heart, do comparisons be?
Between other ladies next to me
“These kinds of thoughts, I never keep”
That’s what he said to me
But still I wonder, and I think,
Always spotless, is their sink?
Are they really all that clean?
Do ladies really all day sing?
Doing perfectly everything?
This all created insecurity,
When I look down to see, plain old me
Then last night, he sat to eat
He said, PBJ’s can’t be beat
He read his Bible and smiled at me
He petted my hair and kissed my cheek
“Who needs dessert when you’re so sweet”
That’s what he said to me
Some ladies cook exquisitely,
Wearing make-up beautifully,
The only thing I do perfectly,
Is loving him happily.
“I LOVE YOU”
When I first arrived in my husbands country, he taught me basic words and phrases in his language. Colors, numbers, names of household items, I like this_____, I don’t like that____, you know, the basics. These are always the first things you learn when studying a second language.
Among the first set of phrases my husband taught me was a phrase, “I love you”. He taught me how to say this in our early days of marriage. He said it to me often. I always asked him, “Do you love me?” and him being the sweet man that he is, never tired of repeating this phrase to me. He repeated this phrase to me way past the amount of time that it took me to learn how to say it. Learning how to ‘say it’ and learning to ‘believing it’, are two very different things.
Normally, when this phrase is said, ones response would be “I love you too” (I hope so anyway) For a long time this was my response. But internally, I struggled with believing it. Anytime a bad day at work came along or a tired day or a day with no money or a cranky day, you know what I mean, a real life day where things don’t go your way day. Anytime we had one of those kind of days. I would fall into this mindset of ‘oh no he doesn’t love me’ and I’d have to ask him 100 times, “Do you love me?” “Do you love me?” He’d always answer yes, but still, I struggled to believe it.
One might ask at this point, why did you marry him if you didn’t believe he loved you. Well, isn’t that the million dollar question. I’m human is my only answer. I believed it when everything was rosy and I doubted it when life was dark. I believed him and I didn’t believe him at the same time as millions of other people getting married often do. I’ll tell you how I overcame it though. If you’d like to keep reading…..,
I overcame this struggle by changing my response, not changing him. The biggest marriage mistake of the universe is thinking that changing your mate is going to make you feel better. If the way you feel internally troubles you then, THAT, is what needs to change.
Whenever he said, “I love you” to me, I changed my response from “I love you too” to “I believe you really do love me” And for years that is what I always said. You’d be amazed at the difference that made in me. I have just decided to believe it, no matter what kind of day I’m having. I took charge of that untrue feeling and guided it to the truth. He did love me, he does love me now. What a relief! Feelings are a gift to you, meant to be controlled by you. They don’t dictate to you they take orders from you. Other people don’t dictate to you what you should feel either. Your feelings are 100% all yours. Own it man! I choose to feel love. I choose to give love. I don’t want to be an insecure, pain in the ass, worry wart. I want to be a confident lover and a friend. I am confident to say I love you and I am confident to mean it when I say it. And I choose to believe it when it is said to me.
All of that being said, I now can’t leave you without bringing to your attention that there is someone else besides me and my husband that says this phrase. “I love you”
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that who-so-ever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” John 3:16-17
Jesus didn’t come into the world to hurt you. He came to love you. If you fit in the category of ‘the world’ which I’m pretty sure you do then that word is for you. It’s your! Own it! believe it! This is one of God’s favorite phrases. “I love you” “I love you” “I love you” He wants you to learn it, know it believe it when He says it to you.
I see them arising from the clay
Rows and rows of them, marching forward, along the way
Coming to aide
In the battle of the day
I see them arising
One by one, without delay
Fathers and sons coming out of the clay
It’s no simple task
To escape clays grasp
But here they come, in a mass
They come from far they come from near
All so dear
His voice they hear
I love you My dear
Our enemies, together we will smear
All writing by Julia French. Please have a great day!